Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Randomize
