Are we in a gay sports bar?
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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