I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
