I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
