All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
