Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
