I got chris browned last night
life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
