I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
