Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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