Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
