put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
where am i from again
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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