I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
