I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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