I cockslap morals
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
