Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
