he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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