Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
