i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
