It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
