Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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