she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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