I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Randomize
