Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
