U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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