I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
