I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
