Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
