AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
