So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
