Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize