it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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