dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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