I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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