there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Randomize
