i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
that may or may not have been my penis.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
