yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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