but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
