There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Randomize
