i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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