It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
