I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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