I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
