I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
