Will you blow on my dice?
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Randomize
