Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
