I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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