I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
