sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
