You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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