i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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