where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I supernannyed him into submission
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
