I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
