I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
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