How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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