can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
