***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
