That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
