She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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