my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
