I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Randomize
