I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
