Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
