Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Randomize
