OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
