i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
