hell yes lets make some ravioli
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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