He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
