He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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