I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I smell stomach acid.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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