hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
