Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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