I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
