I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
