Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
