Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
