The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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