he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize