Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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